Today marks the two week anniversary of my homecoming from South America. Yay! Home is so sweet and so good, yet not everything has been sweet and good in my life. Don't worry, don't worry, nothing is wrong, per se... Just a little reverse culture shock. Actually, now that I think of it, "reverse culture shock" is not the correct term for what I'm experiencing. I wanted to return to the US so I wouldn't say I am shocked by the culture. In fact, I am embracing it, specifically Target and McDonalds' diet cokes as many of you know via my Facebook. So I guess I would call it "reverse life shock." I've been gone for six and a half months and things are simply different. Of course, I've changed in the past one-hundred and eighty days so the lens through which I view the world has changed, but so have the circumstances.
For example, I received my diploma in the mail from Loyola just the other day. Talk about shocking. I'm technically a college graduate (although I don't walk until May). So of course everyone is asking me, What's next? And I'm asking myself that same question... over and over and over again. So much so that I began to freak out a bit. Okay maybe more than a bit. Confession: I've cried more times than I would dare to admit on my blog since being back... including one time in the vegetable aisle at Hy-Vee. Okay, the ridiculousness of that scene actually makes me smile a little. J Anyways, so the past two weeks have been a bit of an up-down roller-coaster, much like life in general. I think coming back from such a lengthy time away, especially now that I am done with college, is a process, one day at a time, moment by moment.
But back to that pesky question I had been repeatedly asking myself: What's next? Well, I recently realized what's wrong with that statement. I had been relying on myself to make that decision. (And as many of you know, that is a huge decision, where to go after college. It can completely alter the course of your life... forever.) So no wonder I was/still am such a mess. I'm not in control; God is. And as much as I have been wanting to take the wheel and plan out my life, I know better than that. I can only see the right now but God can see the big picture. So what was I thinking, trying to do it on my own? Especially when God says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." (Isaiah 55:8) Great verse, but even better is 1 Corinthians 2:9 which says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." Now that is a great verse, and that is something worth living for.
So often I settle for what is right in front of me, or what is easy and comfortable, what is the norm. But God calls us to something extraordinary. Yes, it's a narrow road so of course there will be difficulties but the destination (and the journey) are totally worth it. I don't want to get to the end of my life and have regrets because I didn't trust the Lord enough, or because I settled for "good" when God had His "best" for me, or because I lived for something that I couldn't take with me after death.
And yet I still don't quite know What's next but I am trying to trust the Lord and walk with Him day by day. And in each day there is something to celebrate. For example, I am so thankful for unexpected friendships. I recently reunited with a woman whom I had met in 6th grade. We are now re-getting to know each other and discovering our shared passions for garage saling and Pinterest. (Side note: If you haven't looked into Pinterest yet, do it. I can't believe I am head-over-heels for a website!) Similarly, I have also gotten plugged in to a Bible study and am loving getting to know these women as well. Currently, I am tickled pink with excitement that one of my best friends from high school is on her way to Burlington as I type!! And tomorrow I take off for Omaha, Nebraska to (finally) see Jared and Gina and meet MOZI, their labrador puppy, for the first time.
Life is bittersweet, but God is always good. So I'm just trying to live out Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding," because He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. God is good.
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